How to Confidently Approach Girls Who Are Sitting Down

One of the trickier aspects of approaching is knowing how to confidently engage with women who are already seated, a situation that can easily trip you up.

The typical approach to a seated girl usually goes one of two ways:

1. The Stand-and-Engage:

- The guy walks up to the girl.

- He opens with enthusiasm while standing in front of her.

- He asks if he can sit.

2. The Sit-and-Open:

- The guy sits down next to the girl.

- He opens with a standard line.

While both methods can work, they share a common flaw: they make the man seem like he's putting in significantly more effort to engage than the girl is. Girls who are highly interested may overlook this, but most won’t respond as favorably.

However, there’s a more effective way to handle each of these approaches—whether you're standing or sitting first—that creates better balance and demonstrates a higher level of awareness and effort.

When trying out something new, it's natural to struggle with making it seem effortless. However, once you’re familiar with a strategy, the goal is to embody what’s described in the concepts of "The Law of Least Effort" and "Sprezzatura." Essentially, this means achieving great results with minimal visible effort.

The less effort you appear to put into something, the less invested you seem, which communicates a certain level of nonchalance. It shows that whatever you're doing isn’t a big deal to you, and this attitude often intrigues women. If a woman is immediately attracted to you, you might be able to get away with showing a bit more effort in your approach. However, with most women—those who are curious but not fully sold—coolness, minimal investment, and an effortless approach are essential.

### What’s Wrong with Simply Walking Up and Saying "Hi"?

When approaching a seated woman with a basic “Hi,” you risk falling into a few traps:

1. She’s relaxed, but you’re standing at attention – This can feel jarring and puts her on alert.

2. It suggests you noticed her long before she noticed you – This can come across as over-invested or even sneaky.

3. The standing-seated dynamic – When you're standing and she’s sitting, it puts you in a more vulnerable position, making it seem like you're auditioning for her attention.

The second point is particularly problematic. If she senses that you’ve been watching her before she noticed you, it creates a power imbalance. In her mind, she might start questioning your intentions, and uncertainty breeds caution.

Her immediate thought might be: "What does this guy want?" And if your intentions aren’t clear from the start, she might feel mildly threatened or suspicious. Even if you're harmless, she doesn’t know that—and unless your presence or look immediately wins her over, you risk triggering her internal defense mechanisms.

Some might try to bypass this tension by being overly direct to ensure clarity, but that often backfires. When you're standing while she’s seated, it can seem like you're trying to gain her approval, which lowers your perceived power in the interaction. Women typically prefer to be approached directly by men who exhibit a higher status or confidence—not by someone who seems to be auditioning for their attention.

To avoid these pitfalls, a smoother, more subtle approach is key. By not coming off as over-invested or too eager, you'll create a more balanced, natural interaction.

Both indirect and direct have good chances of backfiring here, though for different reasons:

1. You seem too un-powerful to be using direct respectably

2. You put her on alert if you aren't completely upfront about what you want

That certainly makes things tougher.

The "Plop Down and Open" Method

Easy way to solve all three problems - all we've got to do is plop down and open her, right?

Well, yes, but... this introduces its own difficulties.

The problem with "plop down and open" is the loud and clear "I'm here!" declaration it makes, which all but begs women with more independent and rebellious streaks to metaphorically punch a guy in the nose just to teach him a lesson.

In assuming that she wants to talk to him and launching straight into conversation, the man using the "plop down and open" method communicates that he isn't all that perceptive and doesn't really know women that well... he's just going to do what he wants, and assume that she likes him without giving her any opportunity to show that she likes him.

He gets no buy-in. He merely plunges right in.

But you want buy-in. You want her to invite you in further in getting to talk to her - it makes her more committed to the interaction, and you more firmly into it.

"Plop down and open" misses this entirely though - and if a girl's got half a rebellious streak in her and isn't completely into you on opening, she's going to give you a cold reception and watch you squirm.

No fun.

### The "Sudden Notice" Approach

This approach is one of the most effective and natural ways to engage with a woman who's seated, and it can be quite powerful when executed well. It’s designed to catch her attention in a spontaneous, yet charming way, and it has proven to work consistently.

Here’s how it goes:

1. Walk by naturally: You’re walking along, and you spot a girl you’d like to meet. The key here is not to make it obvious that you’ve noticed her immediately.

2. Pretend you didn’t see her at first: Keep your eyes forward and act like you’re walking past. You want to make it seem like you’re in your own world, not looking for anyone in particular.

3. Sudden realization: Just as you’re about to pass her, “suddenly” notice her. This is where the magic happens—you stop, as though something extraordinary has just caught your eye. Turn around, look surprised and slightly amazed, like you can’t believe you almost missed her.

4. Deliver a direct opener: With genuine enthusiasm, say something flattering or compliment her appearance. This opener should be straightforward, with just enough wonder to suggest she really caught your eye at that moment.

Example:

- *You:* [stopping as if you've just noticed her] "Oh, wow! Hi! Your outfit is absolutely stunning—amazing sense of style."

- *Her:* [surprised but flattered] "Oh, thank you!"

5. Introduce yourself: After your opener, immediately introduce yourself and ask for her name. Be friendly but confident.

- You: "I'm [your name], by the way."

- Her: "[Her name]"

6. Ask to sit down: Once the initial exchange feels comfortable, ask if you can join her. The goal is to create a natural flow from standing to sitting.

- You: "[gesturing to the seat next to her] Mind if I join you for a moment?"

7. Engage in light conversation: After you sit, strike up some playful conversation or ask about something she’s doing, like a book she’s reading or her surroundings. This eases any tension and makes the interaction feel lighthearted.

- You: "That book looks interesting, what’s it about?"

- Her: "[Responds]"

- You: "English Lit, huh? The secret love of literature fans and the bane of everyone else!"

8. Feel out the situation: Depending on how the conversation is going, you can either keep it casual or, if she seems interested and the vibe is right, ask her to grab food or hang out later.

- You: "This has been fun! How about we grab coffee sometime this week?"

The "Sudden Notice" approach works so well because it creates the illusion of spontaneity. You’re showing interest without seeming overly rehearsed or intrusive. She feels like you’ve noticed her in a genuine, organic way, which is flattering without being overbearing.

This method also helps balance the power dynamic, as it feels more like you’re both equally invested in the conversation, rather than you trying too hard to get her attention.

The "Sit and Open"

This one's a bit more playful, and will start things off for you with more of a bang... if she's in a good mood and receptive to you.

If not, you'll quickly find yourself hung out to dry, but that's the way it goes sometimes - just got to roll with the punches.

The process on the sit and open is as follows:

• You're out walking along

• You spy a girl you'd like to meet

• You don't let her see you looking

• You walk over to where she is, casually, distracted, and plop down right next to her, staring at something else, or engrossed in thought

• 5 to 10 seconds after sitting down, you turn ever so slightly toward her, and open her with something indirect (not direct, like the sudden notice), though it can be implicit direct, where you're not complimenting her, but it's clear you're talking to her for her

• If she doesn't immediately bite, proceed with a slow opening until she either goes completely cold or wades into conversation with you

Here's an example of how this'd go:

You: [walking along, spot a girl you want to approach - you swing over near her, pretending to simply be walking that way; then, you stop and sit down next to her, busy with your own things for a few seconds. Then, glancing over at her from the side of your face:] Do you always come here and just stare off into the depths of thought?

Her: [paying attention to you now] Oh! No, I was just thinking.

You: Yes, that's what I said. What were you thinking about?

Her: Mostly just life.

You: That's it's amazing, or cruel and unfair?

Her: Maybe both? [laughs]

You: Sounds interesting.

Her: What are you doing here?

You: Thinking about life myself.

Her: Like what about life?

You: Oh... you know... everything, and nothing. I'm Chase.

Her: I'm Stephanie.

You: Hi Stephanie. It's enchanting to meet you.

Her: Enchanting?! It's enchanting to meet you too, Chase!

You: So tell me about you... what do you do in this fair city?

Her: Ah, that's not very exciting... I work at LA Fitness.

You: But you want to keep an air of excitement about yourself.

Her: Doesn't every girl?

You: Many do. Well, what's NOT exciting about working at LA Fitness?

... and you're off to the races.

Of course, keep in mind the downside that this one can also go with the girl looking at you as if to say, "As if!" and then you're left sitting there next to her, blown out, eating your hat. In that case, the best thing to do if you're in public and want to save face is sit back, relax for a few minutes, and just unwind, while you prepare to get up and go back out to meet someone else. If you were smooth in your opening, all anyone else looking on sees is a guy sit down, say something to the girl next to him a little after he sits, she says something, he looks bored and stares off into the distance, and a few minutes later gets up and goes back on his way.

Approaching Girls Sitting Down

When I'd run coaching sessions in the field, this was always one of my favorites, because most guys don't know how to do it. Nighttime venues, daytime, what have you - point to a girl sitting down and most guys say, "I don't know how to approach her - she's sitting down!"

But in fact, approaching girls who are already seated can make things easier in a lot of ways - you're effectively already prescreening them for having time to meet someone new and being in a more relaxed mode to do so. Unless they're meeting someone there (a friend or a boyfriend), or waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, you stand a fairly reasonable chance at having these go nicely when you look good and you execute on them properly.

Just mind your effort levels relative to hers, and don't go investing a lot more into her before she's even noticed you yet, and you'll be very okay at getting "in" with some of those girls who weren't immediately sold on you but needed a little convincing.

Try it the next time you're out - suddenly notice that beautiful girl sitting down somewhere, or sit, wait, and open her... if it doesn't go well the first few times, try again - this one's worth getting down.

Because, once you've got it, it's a lot of fun!