Your Guide to Going Out By Yourself

Additionally, I’ll be addressing comments on this series—either directly or through future blog posts if the questions are more complex. Now is the perfect time to share your struggles. While I may not delve as deeply as in our phone coaching program, my aim is to tackle pressing issues and elevate your dating life right here and now. So don’t hesitate to reply and ask your questions!

Going Out By Yourself

In the original post on going out by yourself, Jay posted the following comment:

“Hey Ricardus, your posts have been a useful addition to an already excellent site and this is another good one. A couple of questions though. I have tried going out alone a couple of times and staying out after my mates have left a few times too. When I've been questioned by girls as to why I'm out alone I've always come up with a lie like 'I was meeting my mate but he just text to say he can't make it because' then some more lies, or in a club that I've lost my mate, is this what you recommend doing or just be honest?”

Great question… I actually still remember the day I first started researching this topic myself.

Here’s the thing… I had noticed a pattern: All the guys who got really, really good at meeting and dating women would go stag when they went out… some of them even preferred it to being out with a friend, because it forced them to approach, and it gave them more opportunities to meet people. Every minute that you’re chatting with your buddies, you’re not approaching… and every time you fear the approach, you have an excuse not to go: you’re in a conversation already.

Some of my friends who are the best with women I’ve ever seen would go out seven nights a week… and as you can imagine, on four or five of these nights, there was simply nobody around to join them. It really paid off for them though, as they got very good very quickly… faster than anybody who wasn’t in the habit of going stag from time to time, including me.

And so I decided to create that habit myself as well – and it was one of the hardest parts of getting good with women. I wrote about my first few times on the town alone before, and described how much of a struggle it was for me… I wasn’t even able to ask women for the time because I had psyched myself out so much. I finally solved that problem once and for all though, and in that article I also discuss the two most important strategies you can use to overcome this fear.

Security Blanket…?

The biggest problem is that it’s a lot more difficult to stay in state when you’re out alone than if you have someone to chat with to keep your own social momentum going… and there are two ways to solve this problem. The first one is to develop state independence, and the second is to develop state control (see: “How to Pick Up Girls: The Success Factor”).

There is, however, another problem that guys face when they start leaving the “security blanket” of a wingman behind… it can feel a little bit weird to be the guy who came to the club alone. Most people are there with friends after all, and when you’re new to going out by yourself it feels for all the world like everyone at the club knows that YOU are the dork who came alone… and they’re all watching you, wondering why you don’t have any friends to go out with…?

Well, the truth is that this is not something you need to worry about at all... and here is why:

1. First of all, nobody is observing you. People are WAY too caught up in their own conversations and their own night out to even notice, leave alone observe anybody else. Here’s a little exercise you can do the next time you’re out alone: Just stand in a corner for a while, or sit down on a sofa and step out of the matrix for a couple of minutes. You be the one to watch… and you will realize that you are pretty much invisible to everyone else.

   You might even learn a thing or two about what NOT to do from watching the chaos of neediness going on around you… or you might spot a real player whose game you can model.

2. The second point is that even if people were observing you, which they are not, they still don’t have any reason to assume that you’re alone. People walk around a club alone all the time, as they’re going to get drinks for their group, or while they’re on the way to the bathroom. And if day game is your thing, then being out alone is definitely common… guys don’t usually go shopping in groups like girls often do.

3. Finally, even if people knew you were alone, it’s still no big deal. Why do you think everybody goes out in groups? It’s because almost everybody has the same fear about being out alone that we’re talking about here. Sure, they are out with their friends because they want to spend an evening with them, that’s a factor… but if they had the social skills and the confidence to go to a club alone, make a bunch of new friends and go home with a hot girl that night… they’d probably prefer that.

   In other words, people actually really admire the courage it takes to go out alone, and especially to chat up groups of strangers alone… so long as your approach is solid, of course. But we’ve got you covered there with this site and these programs.

Girls Are Not the KGB!

In Jay’s comment, he mentions he’s “been questioned” by girls. This wording suggests an interrogation, which can create unnecessary stress. Instead, think of it as “girls asked me” or “girls inquired.” This subtle shift in perspective can change how you respond.

If you view a girl's question as an interrogation, you’ll naturally react defensively. However, if you see it as a genuine inquiry or even as her interest in keeping the conversation going, you’ll approach the interaction with a more positive and engaging attitude.

For responses, while clever answers can be fun, they’re not always necessary. My friend, known for his humor, might joke, “Well, I went out with a friend, but he fell in a hole.” It’s amusing but not always effective.

If you have strong frame control, a straightforward approach works well: “My friends already left, but I wasn’t ready for my evening to be over yet.” Keep it simple and authentic.

Or, if you went out solo from the start, try: “My buddy and I decided to split up tonight. We’ve heard all of each other’s stories, so we’re looking to make new friends and hear some fresh ones.” This frames it as a choice for new experiences rather than a solo venture.

Bottom line: Just be honest. It’s only a big deal if you make it one. Presenting it confidently can make many girls think, “I wish I had the confidence to go out alone.” They, too, sometimes get stuck at home while their friends are being unadventurous.

Get Her Alone!

“ Secondly a problem I keep coming up against is when you get chatting to two girls how do you get the one you like away from her mate? So many times I've had girls say 'I'd like to stay with you but I'm staying at my friends' or 'I've got to make sure my friend gets home ok' etc. etc. I get their number but end up going home alone, have you got any advice on what I can do here so the friend goes home alone instead?!”

Yeah, this one is tricky – you need to be alone with a girl if you want to make something happen, and the constellation of two girls is often the most difficult one to break up. This will depend on a couple of factors though:

• Older girls (say, in their late 20s) often go out specifically to get laid. They have a lot of experience under their belt, they’ve already had a couple of relationships behind them and aren’t naïve about dating anymore, and oftentimes they know exactly what they want and don’t feel bad about going for it, the same way a guy would. The only reason they take a female friend along is to keep them company until they find a guy to go home with – in this case, cockblocking won’t be much of a problem.

• If the girls are a lot younger or less experienced, however, they often don’t realize that they’re shooting themselves in the foot by making it hard on guys to make something happen. Same goes for girls who go out with their guy friends hoping to meet someone, never realizing that most guys are too shy to approach mixed groups. These girls usually go home disappointed and wondering what’s wrong with them and why no guys came up to approach them – which should encourage you to approach mixed groups by the way, they’re actually easier.

• It’s also cultural – Caucasian girls often cockblock each other, whereas I’ve often seen Latinas help each other get laid. It’s a quite interesting phenomenon. Cockblocking is almost always a sign of jealousy by the way, not protectiveness.

Sometimes you can solve the problem by getting your girl herself to deal with the situation… if she’s into you and you can frame the situation right, she may handle her friend – whereas other times, her objection is nothing but an excuse and she will only tell you that she has to stay with her friend as an easy way of rejecting you.

Her body language will tell you which of the two it is more than her words will.

Final words of advice: either do bring a “wingman” with you who can occupy your girl’s friend, or simply steer clear of difficult situations – chances are there is another girl just as attractive who has better logistics that night.

If you want to make sure you’ll get laid TONIGHT, you should approach about five or six girls you like over the course of your evening, have a 15-20 minute conversation with each of them and then determine which one is most responsive and has the best logistics for going home together that evening.

Then go back to that one and drive the ball across the finish line.

Going Stag: Just Do It

In summary, going out alone isn’t a big deal—it’s mostly a mental challenge.

• Practice State Independence: Learn to be self-sufficient and enjoy your own company.

• Master State Control: Manage your emotions and stay confident.

• Take Baby Steps: Start by observing and getting comfortable with being out alone.

• Ignore the Hypotheticals: Nobody’s watching you, and if they knew, they’d admire your courage.

• Skip the Explanations: If you need to explain, just be honest and confident.

• Engage with Different Groups: Interact with various groups to find the best opportunities.

Going solo is a powerful way to enhance your skills and get results. Don’t let fear hold you back—it’s all in your head!